Essays

FGOTM: Ivie Osaghae Pt 3

Part Three of our Fleurish Girl of the Month interview with Ivie Osaghae. Check out parts 1 & 2 too!

F: Super Taurus answer! So can you name five things that you are into right now?

I: Hmm. Taking the time to get dressed before school. Um, what’s next? Introspection. Really questioning what it is I want from my life outside of the professional or academic sense. Even though I don’t necessarily know what that is just yet, I have a better idea of that than my personal development. Introspection is allowing myself to feel and follow those emotions especially in terms of relationships. (…) Because when you don’t allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to another person, then you potentially miss out on the greatness of who you are with that person and who that person is.

Introspection is allowing myself to feel and follow those emotions especially in terms of relationships. (…) Because when you don’t allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to another person, then you potentially miss out on the greatness of who you are with that person and who that person is.

So, that’s two. Music. Going back to… I was never really into rap music and stuff. I’ve listened to it but it wasn’t really my forte so I really have been going back to what I really love. I personally really like Vampire Weekend. I think they’re an amazing band. I think it’s funny how iTunes classifies them as a Upper Westside or Upper East side soul music. Because they’re a bunch of white dudes making Afro beats and music and singing over it. Just going back to people that I listened to in high school that helped me feel like I was an individual. So Vampire Weekend, Santigold, AlunaGeorge but also listening to some newer people like Kali Uchis, more local artists like AriSoul… So just finding myself through my music again. Not necessary through anything that I create because I don’t make music but finding the soundtrack for my life through the music that I love. So that’s like three?

Being unapologetically me. For a long time, I allowed myself to be minimized by… It’s been mostly men in my life. Being afraid to stand up for something that I believe in… Standing firm in who I am and understanding my womanhood outside of, not even outside of, in all the spaces that we’re not allowed to be women, especially as black women. We really have not have emotions or not have an opinions because it will make this man appear inferior or it will push the wrong man away but it’s like, if he feels threatened by it, then we don’t need to be together anyway. I’ve been reflecting on past relationships and the guy that I was with before vs the guy that I’m with now. He would always say ‘Why are you being so difficult?’ In my head, I’m not being difficult but at the same time, I was being kinda emotionally defensive. So yes, there was some truth to that but at the time, that was just me speaking my opinion. I’m not going to be forcefully pushed into something that I’m not going to be. Whereas the guy that I’m with now is very much like ‘I appreciate this about you. Because that’s who you are and I would never try to change that about you because that’s not the person that I chose to be with.’ So introspection, being unapologetically me, surrounding myself with people that continue to motivate me and even though I don’t always appreciate what they say to me and don’t feel like having conversations on a super deep level half the time, what they say definitely resonates with me and makes me really evaluate my own life. Am I playing a supporting character in my story? Or am I the star of it? By being the star, am I helping other people along that journey? So that’s what I’m into. Being with people who push me to be a better person on all accounts, not just in my private life and in my professional life, in my emotional life, in my mental life… All of those things make a whole individual. the things that these people say make me a better person. It’s like trying to change our habits. That’s not all it is. You can change your habits but if you don’t change your pathology then you’re not going to change. You’re basically changing your clothes and not washing yourself.

Am I playing a supporting character in my story? Or am I the star of it? By being the star, am I helping other people along that journey?

F: Favorite city in the world? That you’ve been to and that you would like to go to?

I: I’ve been to a lot of places. Honduras. It’s not a city, it’s a country. Really, Central America. I really like Central America. Belize and Honduras. It’s a toss-up between both of those. Really if you stretch Central America and the Caribbean, that area of the world is very interesting. But Roatan, especially. Roatan is a black area of Honduras; it is very influenced by Garifunde culture. When you think of Honduras, you think of mostly traditional idea of what you may think a Hispanic person is.But the parts of those countries that I’ve seen is mostly black and so I’ve always been interested in how our lives are very much the same even though we’re separated by geography. But there’s also cultural difference that make them so unique. A place I’ve always wanted to go to is… Well, I’ve always wanted to go everywhere in Africa but that’s kinda like an obvious answer for me so I’ll try somewhere else. I’ve always wanted to go to Bali. Either Bali or Fuji. But Bali especially is older and untouched. I have a lot of places that I’ve been thankfully. I’m just so thankful to have gone because of my parents always took us on cruises. But they would always make sure that whenever we went on a cruise, we never did the tourist stuff. We went and found people that lived in these places and showed us around. Oh, I forgot St. Nieves. St. Nieves was really cool too. St. Nieves and St. Kitts. So beautiful. So untouched. Black sand beaches. Beautiful black people everywhere. But I want to go so many places in Africa. Actually, I think it might be unfair to ask me that question. (Laughter)

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